just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
