How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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