I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
