yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
