I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
