I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
