Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
