i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
