Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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