Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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