He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
honey bunches of taint.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
