sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
