i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
