Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
