then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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