nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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