I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
