Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
When did angry sex become our thing?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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