new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
