he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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