It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
