I met the friendliest cop last night
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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