two words: eviction party
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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