walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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