Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
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