I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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