Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
