Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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