I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
