I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
