the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Of course I have a pirate flag
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
