I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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