I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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