nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
