so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
