i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
