I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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