Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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