i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
