; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
He has the fingertips of a God
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