I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
