some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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