Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
