I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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