what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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