I just cut my nipple shaving
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
