where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
