Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
