One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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