hotel room ftw
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
